I can’t wait for the day when I can just move away if I want to and never have to speak to another person I ever met before if I didn’t want to. Because right at this moment that feels like the best idea in the world. 

This year one of my news years resolutions was to be less sad. But today I came to the conclusion that there is no way to be less sad there are only ways to deal with sadness. The sadness will always be with me but it’s the way that I handle and deal with the sadness that will help me. So starting tomorrow I’m gonna work on dealing with the sadness instead of trying to make it go away. I know that I will always have good days and bad days but learning how to deal with them will only be beneficial to me in the end. 

I’m having entirely too much fun playing with my webcam right now…

Yesterday was bid day and I cannot even begin to describe how excited I am for all of our new members! They are all so precious and I love them already!

So this past weekend was my sorority recruitment retreat. All summer I had been dreading it and I was just not excited at all. A three day stay in a cabin was not my cup of tea. But the time came and I went with a smile on my face. Well this weekish ended up being one of the best times. I became so much closer and got to know so many of my sisters. Just sharing stories and getting to really know each other was amazing. One thing that we really focused on was sisterhood and what it really means. It just really stuck with me and made me really think about the time of friendships I want to surround myself with. It just really put me at ease for this upcoming semester. Thinking about going back to school without my friends has been scary for me, but being reunited with my sisters and knowing that I can count on them to be there for me when I need them just made me feel a world of a difference. I’m not so scared anymore because I know that I have people who I can talk to and just goof off with and have a good time with and I just feel so incredibly blessed to know that I get to call all of these amazing girls my sisters. 

So I leave for my sophomore year of college in a week. I could not be more terrified and ready for something in my whole life. Going into my first year was a scary thing. I had never lived away from home and I was so scared to leave my parents and everything that I had known my whole life. But it turned out to be the greatest decision of my life. Even up until the end last year I thought about just staying home for the year but since I actually made it I know that if I would have stayed I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. Going off made me grow up a lot and figure out myself and who I am just a little bit more. It also gave me the chance to meet some of the best people in my life. I feel so incredibly blessed to have the sisters and new friends that I have from going off. But this year is completely different. Last year when I left of course I was scared but I knew it would be okay because I had my best friend there with me. I knew that no matter what I would have that one person that I could count on. And it was awesome. I went to school with a best friend and came back with two. Now I’m going back alone. I mean I have lots of other friends there and I know it’ll be fine. But from going to hanging out with two people every single day to going back without them is terrifying. Me and my best friend have not had the best summer. Lots of circumstances and different things have been slowing making us drift apart and that really kills me. I’m really starting to realize just how much it actually scares me. I’m been trying so hard to not think about it and distracting myself by always keeping busy. But I am so incredibly scared that that friendship is too broken beyond repair and I honestly don’t know what I’ll do if it is. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know who she is anymore. I mean all of my other friends mean the world to me and have so incredibly awesome this summer but it’s not the same as having that one best friend and I really miss that. But I don’t know if it can ever be the same and it really breaks my heart. I just hope that by going back to school without having those crutches almost I can come even more out of my shell. This next year I really want to focus on me. I want to make the grades that I should have been making all along. I want to find the most perfect little and have the kind of relationship I wish I would have had more time to build with my big. I want to find that boy who just makes me feel special. I want to make more of the kind of friendships and build the ones that I made last year. I just really want this next year to count for something. 

I am so frustrated with so many things right now it’s not even funny. 

I just really more than anything want to have a good day. One where I don’t spend half the day crying. One where I can actually sleep through a full night. One where I can actually stand to talk to other people. One where I don’t have a headache. One where I’m not stressed. I just want a normal day again. 

I’m so over this town and the people here. I just really need to get out of here. For good. 

This past year I have come to realize a lot of different things. Best friends can become strangers. Strangers can become best friends. The people you thought would always be there sometimes won’t and the ones you never imagined being there will. You can’t let other people’s opinions about you get you down you have to move over it and keep going with your life. If someone doesn’t give a damn about you return the favor. You have to put yourself out there. People may call you fake just because you’re finally figuring out who you are and that’s ok because they obviously didn’t know you enough to wanna know the real you. If you don’t wanna do something just say so, don’t make up excuses and lies. Some people don’t grow up after high school and that’s ok but I don’t need you in my life. You can’t judge people on things if you know nothing about them. If you’ve never experienced something you can’t say you know anything about it. It’s not cute to act like a drunken fool, no one likes it. I’m not entirely sure on my choice of major anymore but I don’t know what else to change it to. You can’t always fix things with people if the others don’t want to try. You can’t live your life for anyone but yourself. If other people don’t like it or support you then obviously you don’t need them in your life.

Ever since I have moved home for the summer my mind has been going crazy with so many different thoughts and I just had to let them out. Enjoy.

1. my big fat gypsy wedding is the most awesome show ever.

2. coming back home for the summer after living on my own pretty much sucks.

3. there is nothing to eat now that my family doesn’t eat carbs. lovely.

4. i wish i could be instantly tan.

5. i really love to sleep. my family doesn’t so much love it.

6. biology ruins everything good in life.

7. having all my college friends living all over the state is no fun. 

8. i can’t decide if i want to go to steeplechase or not. leaning toward yes.

9. elementary school children can be vicious toward one another. it’s not ok.

10. i really miss dancing. a lot.

11. it’s not cool to act like my friend when we’re not. grow up.

12. i just really want to get married. like now.

13. it would just be really nice to have a boyfriend. or at least close to it.

14. i want to be a housewife. nothing else. don’t judge.

15. i am way more critical or painted coolers than i should be. sorry i’m not sorry.

16. all i really want is a lilly dress…and a longchamp bag.

17. my big is graduating. and that really upsets me.

18. i can’t wait to have a little. i hope she’s just like me.

19. glitter and sparkles make everything better.

20. going away for college is the best decision i ever made.

21. lots of friendships aren’t meant to last forever.

22. summer doesn’t feel like summer when it starts in april.

23. i can’t wait for the hunger games to come out on dvd.

24. sometimes bad things happen to good people and it changes everything.

25. you don’t have to always be talking to a guy. chill out. it makes you look desperate.

26. having close guy friends is a pretty awesome thing.

27. i can’t wait to be reunited with all my sisters in august.

28. i will go back to chattanooga. no matter what.

29. i should have used the school gym more.

30. sophia grace and rosie are the best things ever. hands down. 

Good thing I have an awesome friend to come save us!!